Paul Barnard - Online Memorial Website

This time, last year, we were celebrating New Years at this little Italian Restuarant in Lake Forest, with all our children. We had a great time together, it was low key, till Michael broke out in Kareoke...We had lots of chats and laughs, I sat across the table from you Paul, watching you try to do the cork trick, you got it alot quicker than Q, which made him more competitive and keep trying till he got it too. I am glad I got to share New Years with you last year, and I wish I was spending this year with you too. ... Happy New Year Paul...Hope Heaven is what everyone tells me it is and that you are having a wonderful time there. 

Hi Paul my friend, I was adding some flowers to your grave on Christmas eve when, Shirley showed up. It hit me again so hard that you were not here and I sobbed and sobbed into her arms. I just cannot understand this loss my friend.

I hope you like what we have done to your resting place.

We have had major winds here so I was worried that the flowers had all blown away so yesterday I went back to pick them all up, Tayla came with me, She sat and spoke to you, I hope you heard her. She misses you so very much, after all she spent so many sleepover nights at your house, she practically moved in over the holidays day after day of sleepovers, she was so happy at your house. She tells me that you were "alot of fun."

Anyway she sat at your grave and brushed the dirt off your new headstone and made it all clean and tidy for you. She loves to set the flowers around neatly for you too. After we were walking back to the car, she starting fixing up everyone elses too, it made me smile as she was so concerned that everyones flowers had blown over.

We love and miss you so much buddy. 

Jen 

Hey Paul my friend it was Christmas yesterday and I couldn't stop thinking of you.  I can't believe Christmas Eve passed and we weren't all together listening to the carol singers.  We had dinner at the Berry's a couple of weeks ago before your girls went off to SA and I was instantly back to last Christmas, I sat next to you at the table last year and we had a great laugh at the expense of my husband and the lack of food on his plate.  You told him he could look as good as you if he would just eat more and you rubbed your belly and the three of us burst into laughter.  Good times.  I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and that we all miss you very much. 

Love ya man,

Apryl

Hey Buddy,

I been putting off writing on this site since it was 1st posted. Maybe it's a guy thing but reliving all the good times is really tough. I wrote down some of my favorite memories at your funeral but this time round it is so much harder to do. I guess the realization has set in that you have left us. Just this week-end I saw a new pic of you on your bar, I swear it looked like the photo was taken just a few days ago.

Anyway I wanted to share with you some of the best memories that I have been privelaged to share with you and your family.

Although we met in California, it really all started in Texas. Hot summer days at the

lake house in Conroe. The BBQing, a few drinks and a few more drinks, fireworks, board games (guys against the girls)

and of course the "white knuckle" boat rides we had to participate in or our "manhood" would be forever questioned. Of course you cannot say Houston without saying FIRE ANTS, you have personal experience of getting to know them. Good times indeed. Then just as we were getting settled in cowtown one by one we found ourselves moving back to California.

Well we certainly brought the good times with us. It started off with the 1st Christmas Eve party at your Irvine house (The GIGI Party). You and Deon encouraged me to try some of the cocktails you were brewing which ultimatley lead the 3 of us into your jacuzzi, you and Deon were "kaal gat" I swear I had my boxers on ! I remember the night ending with you and Deon going head to head in  your rose bush to see how many pushups you could each do. It was a duzi for sure.

PS: I don't think the wives were that impressed though !

Since then our family's have shared almost all the important vacations together.

Whether it is Holloween, Easter, July 4th, Christmas or Thanksgiving it would not feel right until the Barnard's arrived, albeit late, but with a load full of drinks and food.

I want to say thanks also for taking care of me at the "infamous" Halloween party where I spent much of the night in the flower bed. If not for you, Strick and some others I may still be there. I do remember you carring me out of there like a sack of potatoes. Jenny was loving it !

Who can forget the Thanks Giving Lunch the was served at midnight or close too. With all the guests arriving around 10:00am at your house ready for the turkey feed to be served at 1:00pm. The only thing that was served at lunch time was another round of cocktails and a "PULL MY FINGER CUFF" episode and a spider prank that sent you screaming with fright. Those of us that stuck around though were treated to excellent food very much later that evening. Dave's mom Jony came for lunch but had caught a flight home to Northern California and was probably tucked up in bed before lunch was served. Mary you loved it !

It was also around this time that you introduced us to the OSTERICH. Out of no where behind Strickland's BBQ you became a human osterich, you had to be there, but one of the funniest diplays of a human animal that we will ever see !

Another great vacation was Hawaaii 2006. There were over 20 of us who made the trip to Kona to support team Berry. I remember you treating me to a huge pork sandwhich and curley fries the day after the race. You also took me snorkeling in the rock pool and kept stopping me to just make sure I was ok and not too tired from the race. Little things like that at the time seem so insignificant but are now remembered so fondly..thank thank you for caring. Later in the day we got to witness our girls swim with the Dolphins while you and I ran the numbers on how hard we were taking it in the wallett for just 30 minutes of Dolphin time. Anything for our girls right ! That was our consesus.

Now to March 2007, in freezing cold weather, you met up with Me, Monte and Mark at Corona Del Mar. You brought along your KAYJAKK you were our paddler our eyes and our safety net while the 3 of us swam in the ocean to prepare for an upcomming race.

Who can forget Monte who looked like a drowned rat with hypothermia when he got out of the water. We all had a good laugh..except Monte who was a shriveled ball with rattling teeth and purple lips....He is just not MADE IN SA.

Dutchie, another great day for us was 4th July this year, I so wish I had ridden the canyon loop with that day. I had "chores" to do. It must have been a 100 degrees out there and I told Strickland and Cuff to go look for you....just as you came riding down the street..just a little tired with that Barnard grin. Nothing like a coca cola and a smoke to aid the recovery.

That night we all watched a fantastic firework display and talked about how fast Courtney and Calia were growing up. They were gone most of the night dancing and were not to impressed to have the parents come check in on them. The day came to an end with all of our familes sitting on the grass on edge of the lake watching a great fire work display.

I want you to know that the Berry girls and I love what you and Jose did to the house in Big Bear, the deck is money, Jen and I varnished the rocking chairs and we love to sit out there and drink our coffee. The bathroom is fantastic, Mary is going to love it. The stone around the fireplace and the front of the house finishes everything off. I know when we sit out there you are smiling at us. Thank you for making the Barnard Berry cabin so warm and cozy. It's a keeper.

There are so many more memories my friend but these are some of my favorites. I want thank you for being a great friend to me and my whole family. You and Mary will forever be the guardians to my girls. Keep you eye on us as we will often look to you.

 I love you Barnard and I love your family. You are one of the best friends a person could ever ask for. You are honest, kind and true. You are Paulaus (as Jenny would always call you.)

Courtney and Tayla often talk about you they rememebr you with such great affection.

Buddy you are one of the Greatest men I have ever met and I know you are one of God's favorite soldiers, you are so missed by us all.

I promise you that your girls will never walk alone.

Until we meet again my friend. God Speed.

PJB "You the man"

QB.

Paul,  We we never got to meet you, we feel like we know you from hearing so many wonderful things about you. Although you are not here, know that Mary and the girls have so many people looking over them, both new friends and old.

My daughter Danette and myself will always be there whenever they need us.

love from Adrien and Danette

Greece 2006,

Last year July Paul and I decided to take a family vacation to Greece. We were so excited because we both enjoy it over there...the sun and the beaches. What Paul did not know was that there was a surprise for him....he had not seen his mom since we left South Africa, and she was also coming to Greece. I remember I had to be SO careful what I would say so that I would not spoil this surprise.

We first went to Athens for 3 days...took the girls to see the Acropolis and other historical places in Athens. Paul really liked Athens. We then went to the island Lesvos, which is where my family comes from. My brother, sister in law and children were already there. I remember Paul being so excited that he was going to see them. He was extremely fond of my brother. At that time he had stopped smoking, but as soon as they saw each other...out came the cigarettes and the drinks and the holiday was starting!!!

Two days after arriving on the island, Lizinda(my sister-in-law) and I went to pick up my mom-in-law from the airport..we told Paul we were going shopping!  

We arrived home with her and parked around the corner and told her to hide. We asked Paul to please get our shopping parcels from the car. So he went...when he saw his mom he did a double take...he thought he was seeing things because the last person he expected to see in Greece was her. We all had a lovely holiday together. We went around the island with the car, and just enjoyed the island life. I THANK Lizinda for organizing my mom-in-law's trip to come to Greece. 

I KNOW how much Paul appreciated that because he had not seen his mom in 6 years. That was also the last time they saw each other.  

I will make it short and long. This is will be the first of a few.  My times with and around him were many and precious.  And more so as time passes. 

First, lets us not forget the man he was, the things he stood for, of times that remind us all of us and the love we have for him.

This was his time of year.  The Holidays.  It is also likely the hardest for Mary and the girls but a time he was as energetic as can be.

Paul was a man that had the depths of oceans and the love of lives.  He is one we as men would model ourselves after without saying a word.  One we work to keep up with as his energy was endless. 

I can say things about our times in Texas on the lake, vacationing together for years, watching our children get older but the summary of this man isn’t necessarily in what I shared, witnessed and saw in or with him but the enduring mark he left on me and likely all of us.

I will leave you with that and be back with a photo of him and me and to share some stories.

Paul's 40th birthday was in January 2007. As the days were coming closer I was trying to figure out what I could give him that was special and different. I first thought that a fishing reel would be great. He loved fishing and always appreciated any gifts that were fish related. When I looked at all his fishing gear however, I decided that was n't going to be it. So I decided to take him on a mini vacation. There were 2 places he really wanted to go to...Alaska or Cabo St Lucas in Mexico. I decided on Cabo because the weather was warmer and we both love sunny weather and just being outdoors. I never told him where we were going to....I wanted it to be a surprise. 

I changed my story quite a few times and had him quite confused. Finally, the night before we were due to leave I told him we were going to Cabo...he was very excited. Cabo was beautiful, and the hotel we stayed in was really nice. We arrived the Thursday morning, unpacked and went for a drink...I needed one after our very turbulent flight. We went into the city and walked around and booked ATV rides for Saturday morning. On Friday night, I got sick and by Saturday morning I was in a doctors room in the hotel because I was so dehydrated. I remember I felt so bad because we lost our ATV rides because I felt so weak. I basically slept the whole Saturday away, so I told Paul to go out and do something. Well, he did...he went to the hotel bar, and enjoyed the Tequilas. He said that he and the bar man understood each other very well!!!!! The next morning I was up again and we went for a walk and enjoyed the hotel facilities.

We decided that we loved Cabo, and the next holiday there would be with the girls.

Looking back now, I'm so thankful that we got to spend that time together. Looking at some of the foto's today I realized how much we have done and how many beautiful memories I have.

My dad was the best guy in the world. He did everything with his family, and loved being with people. Fishing was his passion.

His favorite place in the house was the barbeque outside. I remember going camping and he's canoe, and he's urge me and Natalie to go, but we stayed inside the trailer and played cards, which made my dad call us "wallfowers". When we went camping it was my dad's time to drink beer. He's come to the trailer door and say "beer me". We all took our phones when we went camping, but I was the only one who took a charger. Whenever I went to the bathroom I would charge it, but never told my parents. So one day my mom says 'Callia, has your phone run out of battery yet, because mine has". Before I could answer my mom, my dad said, 'of course not, she was the only smart one here and brought her charger and charged it while she sits on the toilet". I burst out laughing, because it was true. I don't know how he found out though.

I remember when I was around 6, my dad tried to teach me to ride a 2 wheeler bike, He  spend around 2 hours trying to teach me, but I could n't., so he took me home and tried in my backyard. Nothing happened, and he promised to take me the next day. Thats when I finally got the hang of it. I did a sharp turn on sand, which made the bike slip and I  got a huge scrape under my arm, and he took care of it.

When I was on the swim team, he always took me to the competitions. He got me my swim times and said "keep this, you're gonna beat all of these next year". When we went to get my awards for the swim team, my dad took pictures of us with the awards. I did mine right next to the pool and he was like "step back", so I did. 'step back' so I did again. 'stepback'. But I realized he was trying to get me into falling into the pool! Did n't work though!! When we were swimming in our pool, we would jump off the roof, but my mom did n't like it. My dad loved it though. He would get tubes and jump into the water with them. He called it the Booty Buster. 

For my 10th birthday, my family and some of my friends went to Big Bear.

 My present from my dad was a puzzle painted white with a drawing. I had to put the puzzle together to figure out what I got from him. It ended up being sailing lessons. I was disapointed then, but right this minute I would've given anything to do it with him.

I remember when we went to Hawaii last year (2006), we went to horse-riding trails. I really wanted to go, so he read the sign and it said maximum weight was 230 pounds. So he said, "well that's the cut off for me!" 

 When my dad picked me up from soccer practice, I asked him what was for dinner. "Spaghetti and mince." "Eeww!" I hated that at the time. "I don't like that!" He said "your mom works around the house all day. I don't like it either, but I eat it with a Big Smile on my face, so you do the same!"

My dad's favorite ice cream was chocolate chip mint. So we'd get that flavor and he's eat most of it. My sisters would say 'Callia, why did you eat the ice cream" ...because I like ice cream as well. "I did n't!"...so we'd all look at my dad and he'd sit there and carry on eating and look at us and say "what"????

My dad loved watching the fishing, history and discovery channel. I always wanted to watch something else, but I realized that was how he got to know everything about everything. He was always willing to help me with my homework. He was so smart, and taught me most of what I know.

My dad was n't one of those people that smiled huge smiles. He always had a little smile about everything. I remember when he used to come home from work, he'd hug me and kiss me on top of my head.

I love him so much, and starting my life over without a dad is the hardest, saddest and worst thing I've had to do in my entire life.      

I have so many memories of Paul, its hard to know where to start, so I thought I would start in the beginning. We first met Paul in Houston Texas, I remember thinking wow he is so tall and has a thick Afrikaans accent and he was very friendly.

Its so hard to believe it was only then that we met, because this is a family that we felt connected to as though we had known them for all of our lives, the friendships between the Barnards and the Berrys just connected as tho we had been friends for ever.

 When I met Paul he had come out on his own to look for a home for his family, I had just moved into a house in Kingwood Texas, Tayla had jsut been born.  I told Paul to look for a rental near us so we could help each other out, and become friends, but no Paul thought he found a "prize" rental about an hour away from us. Well Mary and the girls came out to their prized rental only to find critters sharing it with them...they had cockaroaches the size of dogs flying around the house, and other critters sharing their dwelling, so after a couple months my buddy Mary had enough and much to my happiness the Barnards moved out of their rental and bought a house only 1 min from ours.

I was so happy to have a new friend near by who was South African that I could hang out with. Mary had this personality that drew me in, this is someone I just met and we would talk for hours? about who knows what?

 Our girls were all so young then so we had that in common.

Anyway....I used to ride my bike to the Barnards house to hang out with Mary, I used to tow Tay on the bike stroller behind me and off I went to be with my new buddy.

I remember clearly it was a hot hot hot humid Texas day, red ants were moving about and mosquitos were ready for their day of bitting. I was riding my bike to see Mary and there I saw Paul, shirt off, in his shorts, mowing his lawn, sweating a ton, but with the biggest smile on his face, I asked him if he was crazy cutting the grass on such a horrid hot day and he told me "I LOVE IT"

Paul so enjoyed hot days and pottering around his yard. He was proud of the fact he laid down new grass around the trees in their back yard.

Well we got to know and love the Barnards, so when they moved back to California a couple months later, I was devastated at the thought of loosing my new friends, but thankfully we later got to move back and Mary and I vowed we would always live near each other...When we woman make friends its great BUT when our husbands become friends, well, life doesnt get any better. Well in this case we not only got along, we became family and we grew to love the Barnards...

Paul and I were always on boat trader.com sharing online pics of boats we wanted to buy, he would send a fishing boat to me and I would say "yes lets get it' then we would think of how to convince our other halfs to go in for it? Paul wanted a big fishing boat that we could take our families for outings and sleep in and make trips to Catalina, we wanted one that was docked in Dana Point harbor, so we were always sending boats to each other online.

Paul and I would also talk of selling the cabin and buying a place we could share on the beach...Quint and Mary loved the mountains, and Paul and I loved the ocean spots. We had plans to retire together one day the 4 of us..Once again Paul and I wanted ocean and Mary and Q wanted to be in the sticks... But no matter where we ended up I was just glad we had found a couple we adored and could grow old with....

It is hard to grasp that this time last year, I was planning my annual christmas eve dinner, and every year I asked Paul if I could borrow his electric carving knife, and every year he would bring it to the Party, I think this past christmas he was like, "enough already Jenny" he walked in with a gift for me ..YES....Paul bought me my very own carving knife. He also bought us a bottle of red wine, well,  I battled to open this bottle and after much struggle, I popped the cork and red wine went everywhere, on Pauls shirt and on my ceiling in my kitchen, I felt so bad, but he just laughed. I still have that red wine on my ceiling and I look at it everyday and think of Paul. I have so many memories of Paul, but when I think of him its always the most wonderful things, he was such a wonderful person to know and I am so blessed to have known him, he always made me smile, the moment I would see him, I would smile. Just the way he would say my name in his Afrikaans accent made me smile. Such a gentleman. I cannot cannot understand this loss, but one day I know I will see him again and we can once again talk about the ocean vacation home we wanted to get..and fishing boat we both wanted to share, and one day we will laugh with him again....

I miss you Paul

XXX    

Hello my friend Paul,

Please forgive me for taking so long to share my memories of you, please know I think of you often.  As you know we have a new little baby in the house and when I'm up in the middle of the night sitting in the dark alone feeding him I think of you, I think of your beautiful wife and of your three amazing girls and I remember my last conversation with you it plays over and over in my mind and I am comforted knowing how you felt about God and about the path he chooses for us.  You went to be with God the very next day.  I will never forget our conversation and I feel blessed to have had that moment with you. 

I have so many fond memories of all of us together they will forever be in my memory and my heart. 

Much love my friend you are missed.

Love Always,

Apryl

My last memory of Paul was the week before the tragic accident. During that week I get to know the real man and the great lawyer. You see Mary and I were in the process of acquiring a business and Paul was our fearless leader.  For a whole week we worked late into the night to get all our things together.  One time, the four of us stayed up until 2 am emailing each others so that we get our paper together for the next day.  Paul was fond of saying how well we worked together and how he appreciate our cooperation.  My husband and I were so in awe of his intelligent and his integrity.  We always knew that Paul was a gentle giant with a loving heart.  He was quiet and some what shy but oh so hospitable and kind.  But during this business transaction he was a master negotiator and a legal eagle.  He was our hero.  Unfortunately because of the tragic circumstances we could not continue with our business endeavor.  His last parting words to me before he went to San Diego that evening was “see you Monday, Sakirah”.  I have looked and stared at that email for days wanting to reply.

Paul, I miss you and thank you so much for being a part of our lives.  I promised to be there for Mary and the girls.  Mary and I will continue to look for a business that will make you proud.  Rest now and watch over us.

It was Christmas 2002. I had heard so much from my Dad and Mom on how much they enjoyed spending Christmas in USA with my brother Quinton, Jenny , Courts and Tay.

They spoke so highly of these wonderful friends Paul and Mary and their 3 beautful girls.

When I remember, I don’t think I ever heard Mary’s name without it been coupled with Paul. I knew Mary as Paul and Mary and I knew Paul as Paul and Mary, it’s just the way you thought of them.

I was so lucky to have had the chance to spend my first Christmas in America in 2002. It was awesome. I remember Paul helping to me to take photos so I would be included in them. I was always the “event photographer” so I was delighted when Paul came to the Christmas party armed with a camera and a tripod!!! I remember laughing at him whilst he made numerous trips to the car that night to pack the mountains of presents his girls got, and we joked about “ So now I have seen for myself that everything is definatley BIGGER and BETTER in America. He did love America, and the future it could offer his family. That is how I remember Paul…always others first ! That and oh let me not forget I LOVED THE FUN HE USED TO MAKE OF QUINTON !!! That was the best J

We first met Paul and Mary and their girls at a braai at Tessa and Mark's house in 2003. I was feeling homesick for Port Elizabeth and was delighted to learn that both Mary and Paul had studdied at the University of Port Elizabeth. Talking to them about home really eased my homesickness that night. Over the years, the Barnards, the Berrys and the Stricklands have become like our family away from home. Months would go by without seeing them all, but when we did connect again, it was like a family gathering where everybody feels like they truely belong. Every holiday celebration has always been with this 'South African/American' family of ours and we have wonderful memories of the Easters, Halloweens, Thanksgivings and Christmasses we have celebrated together. We love you guys and look forward to many more years of sharing. Paul's passing has left a huge void in this family and we will miss him always. Mary, Callia, Voulitsa and Zoe, when I think of your dad, I picture him standing behind you, his huge arms enveloping all four of you, a look of pride clearly evident on his smiling, shining face. 'His Girls!' He was so proud of each of you and loved being the dad of three beautiful girls. It made him feel speacial... the protector of his family. And his large stature just seemed to exaggerate this... If you were with him, you were safe. He was the best kind of dad anyone could ever wish for. Although he is not physically with you now, I know he is still standing behind you, still enveloping you with his love and still protecting you, every moment, every day. I prey that you always feel safe in him, knowing that you have the strongest, kindest guardian angel watching over all you do. You have many people who love you very much and think of you often. We will remember what a gorgeous man Paul was for as long as we live. You can be very poud that you come from him and that you are his forever. Love the Webbers